Live Inhabitant Diaries

If there’s one thing that we all seek - it’s happiness. I’ve never met a person who has told me they didn’t want to be happy, have you? There are certain things they either have - or don’t have - and with this information I’ve been able to come to an understanding of a question posed by many:

“What makes people happy?”

What do they have that others don’t? What’s their secret?

When we speak of the Great Secret of Life, we are speaking of what some call the Law of Attraction; but others simply quote Jesus Christ, or the prophets of the Old Bible Testament, and say that the Secret to Life is: “As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.” Careless of what you call it, we create our experience in our minds - with our thoughts, or prayers. And then, we reap in our bodies and lives what we have sown in our minds. This is simple ancient wisdom and truth. All great religions and philosophies speak of thought and emotions. Prayer is concentrated thought; and prayer works - concentrated thought always produces results.

There are my 5 secret qualities of happy people :

1) Absence of Toxic Shame: John Bradshaw describes the difference between healthy vs toxic shame in his book “Healing the Shame That Binds You” . “Healthy shame is an emotion which signals us about our limits…and keeps us grounded,” where “Toxic shame is experienced as the all-pervasive sense that I am flawed and defective as a human being.” Truly happy people have a strong sense of themselves and their value, in other words, an absence of toxic shame. This usually comes from a breeding, loving and supportive experience in their families of basis. There are many reasons why people struggle with toxic shame. I find it often lies at the core of some depression, anxiety and perfectionism.

2) Absence of Resentment: Really happy people seem to be more successful at pardon. In addition, they often haven’t incarnated the experience to the degree that others do. When you are good at letting things go - you don’t drag the burden of resentment around with you. Those who hold onto anger or discontent towards others for long periods of time can experience internal emotional distress that leads to bitterness, fiasco and often health problems. They can also struggle with depression and excessive anger.

3) Living their Passion: People who are doing work that is satisfying to them, whether they simply enjoy showing up every day - or is more rewarding on a deeper level - tend to be happier. The same applies to those who have found a hobby or cause that brings them joy, whether it’s associated with work or not. Those who dislike their jobs and truly hate getting up every day to go to work tend to have an underlying baseline of life dissatisfaction that can lead to unhappiness. This is particularly true if they’re not engaging in something outside of work that touches that energizing place inside of them - which could a at least partially offset the impact of their unrewarding job.

4) Dreams for future: Those who have hopes, plans and excitement for the future are typically happier. They believe they can carry out their dreams - and can actually visualize them coming true. People who struggle with imagining what their futures might hold often don’t really believe that good things could actually happen for them. It’s possible their past or present have been so dismal that they’re unable to project positive things for the future. This is a very common belief of those struggling with depression. They may believe, “I can’t,” or “I don’t deserve.”

5) Connections to People: Happy people usually are connected to other people by supportive and loving interrelations, no matter whether a few or many. There could be an argument that there are exceptions to this, but by and large, people need other people. From the time we are born, we seek to form attachments to our primary caregivers. Depending on the quality of these attachments, we will usually seek to form friendships and them intimate partnerships. I’ve found that many unhappy people feel disconnected in some way to others - which can be very painful. Sometimes they are afraid to connect and other times their behavior is disconnecting. Regardless, for those who believe they need other people - and feel alone - a deep sense of unhappiness is common.

Yet, for some, knowing the Secret of Life is not enough; it doesn’t seem to work for them. If a person who is of “little faith” thinks they have money problems, and then sets about thinking even more about money than they already do, then it is likely that they will see their money problems getting worse - because they will probably be thinking about money in the same way they were when they acquired the debt, or imbalance, in their financial lives. Now that they know “the Secret,” however, things seem to be getting worse.

Thinking only of your intended goal is a big key to success. Some people spend too much time thinking about the “how” and not enough time thinking positively about the goal. But the most important component in true success is the emotion of heartfelt belief. Belief in anything will do; it is the emotion, or feeling, that matters. Once you find that feeling, you need only apply it to any dream or goal in order to create success. Unfortunately, many people never figure out how to think positively; so they just think MORE of the same OLD thoughts - and get more of the same old things. How you think is as important as what you think. The Secret to happiness, in other words, is thinking happy thoughts.

If you want to be happy, begin now by thinking “happy thoughts.” Then, you can graduate to doing “happy things:” The things happy people do, or the things you do when you are happy. Physiology equals Psychology; so, if you act happy long enough, you can develop a “happy habit” as easily as negativity will send you into the habit of depression, despair, worry, fear, or apathy. Habitual thought patterns are simply that — the thoughts we habitually use to operate our bodies. These patterns can be changed; and, in doing so, the entire fabric of our lives will be changed.

Like I mentioned previously, no matter who or where we are in this world, one of the ties that binds us together is the desire for happiness. Many of us know someone who seems to be a truly happy person. There’s something almost magical about them, their level of serenity, joy and state of “knowing” that everything will work out. And if doesn’t, it will still eventually be ok. I imagine that this person likely has all of the 5 happiness qualities I mentioned above. There are so many things that influence our emotional and psychological development. I believe that barring environmental chaos, (war, poverty, etc) we all have the ability to be “happy.”